Tempered happiness

I awoke with joy in my heart and puffiness of the eyes. I cried last night for several hours -- from when his victory was projected until he left the stage after his speech. I went to work today and yelled out to Chayla as she left the car, "it's a great day to be an American!" to which she rolled her eyes in embarassment.

I got to work and yelled the same thing to my office mates. My coworker said that she too was excited but our happiness had to be tempered by our grief. Grief? I said, "yeah, I've been grieving for 8 years." Little did I know that the reason they barely smiled at me after my proclamation was because of the immense tragedy our school was enduring. This weekend one of our students was shot and killed as he rode the bus home Saturday night. He was a sweet, cute, fun, popular, 14 year old honors student who I had briefly worked with. I had even met his grandmother before. I was already emotional so I just let the tears flow. I felt bad for the loss of such a young person and I felt incredibly retarded for not having heard about it earlier. On any normal day I deal with sad events in the lives of my students. This was the first time I've had to deal with the loss of life. It borders on unbearable.

So I take stock of what I have and what I do. While I worry about not making enough money to better my family's quality of life, I know we are fine and that my work serves the greater good. I love my job and believe, for now, it's where I need to be. I just wish I made enough to cover my graduate school loans :)

Rest in peace Tai.